Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Saint Tim Of Buffalo...Pope Considers Cannonization Of NBC's Tim Russert

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Mother Theresa...... Tim Russert .......Joan of Arc

NBC's Washington Bureau Chief and moderator of Meet The Press, Tim Russset, has been gone well over a week now, and most of us think his resurrection is now improbable, notwithstanding the endless praise he received by cable news, primarily, NBC. In fact, Russert received so much praise, that Cardinals at the Vatican were scrambling trying to determine if young Timothy might qualify for Sainthood.
But there is disturbing news from St. Peters Gate. Since a post at The Homosapien Underground last week that was received with a thud the likes of which never before experienced, LWB has learned that in the first edition of Meet the Press Heavens Gate edition, Russert may not have fared that well. As you may recall the tables were turned on Russert. Russert received rather than asked the questions, and they were some tough ones. Master Muhammad Mahmoud for example asked this one.
MASTER MUHAMMAD MAHMOUD: Mr. Russert, I was only 15 years old when I was murdered by Israel when I was protesting the apartheid wall built on stolen Palestinian land. The wall of course was designed to keep all Palestinians living in misery. I never really had a chance to know my father Big Mahm, like you got to know Big Russ. How did you live with your conscience while you were alive, knowing of the murderous injustices occurring in Palestine and never reporting them to the public? Did you ever once think of biting the hand of your masters and reporting the truth?

MR. TIM RUSSERT: Master Mahmoud you probably don't know this but I have dozens of honorary college degrees and numerous professional awards. I won an Emmy for my role in the coverage of President Ronald Reagan's funeral in 2004. Now as for your people Master Mahmoud, if I had spoke anything resembling the truth, I would never have enjoyed all of this success. I could never have lived the affluent life that I have or be such an acclaimed news man. It is as simple as that. I would never have been hailed the pre-eminent journalist of my generation. That would have been very sad, don't you think Muhammad? So to answer your question, no.
Informed sources in St. Peters office have informed LWB that St. Peter was not impressed by Russerts first edition of Meet the Press. Some are beginning to wonder if Russert may even qualify for admittance to the Holy Network. Stay tuned for more on this topic.

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