An Inaugural Day Prayer for Our New Fuhrer
by Nic Leobold
For Contemplation on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
Dear Almighty Jesus God in Heaven, on this Inauguration Day 2009, please bless our new Nazi Fuhrer, Fuhrer President Barack Hussein Obama, as he prepares to rain oppression, theft, murder and rape upon us his sheeple-people here in America and millions more worldwide.
Fuhrer President Obama is a worthy choice for our new Nazi Fuhrer, as he fervently loves and believes in all the usurpations of individual liberty, invasions of privacy, Constitutional and Human Rights violations, tax thievery of hard-earned property and wealth, and rape, pillage, assaults and murders of any individuals or peoples who stand in the way of his and the U.S. government’s total domination of the world. Amen.
As bigoted secret closeted homosexual Pastor Rick Warren prepares to give the homily for Fuhrer Obama’s grand inauguration gala, let us give thanks to Jesus for the multitude of Afghani men, women and children who will get their arms and legs blown off, their eyes gauged out, or simply be blown totally to bits, by Fuhrer Obama’s brave united land, sea and air forces. Let us hope and pray that we subdue the entire Afghani countryside for our glorious fascist world empire so we can exploit their land for our oil pipelines and gas transport, while bringing the once-proud Afghani people to their knees under our thumb so we can extract all the wonderful tribute taxes, property seizures, spoils, and new political prisoners, like we already get from all our conquested lands in the civilized world.
And Dear Jesus Lamb of Eternal Almighty God, it will be so wonderful when Fuhrer Obama reneges on his promise to pull us out of Iraq, and continues the illegal invasion which has killed and maimed more than one million innocent Iraqi men women and children, and displaced a million more. God knows the U.S. government and our Fuhrer Obama will never be satisfied until that whole country cowers under the weight of our iron jack boots, every Iraqi boy and girl cowers in front of our storm troopers until they submit to our imperial brainwashing in our subsidized Iraqi indoctrination public school system, and the entire wealth of the country in oil and tax revenue is funneled here to feed the insatiable appetite of Fuhrer Obama’s multi-billionaire Wall Street investment banker robber baron campaign backers in their corporate welfare-subsidized $300,000 dollar bullet-proof mammoth SUV’s, $20 million dollar private jets and $10 million McMansions.
Dear Lord God, it is truly wonderful how much Fuhrer Obama loves and licks the asses of our jack-booted thug local police forces, FBI, BATFE, state police, and brave Nazi S&M parole and correction officers, who go about pillaging our country, molesting our citizens, persecuting innocent people and jailing non-violent victim-free “criminals”. Thank you dear Lord Jesus for letting Fuhrer Obama see so clearly the terrible sin of being free, of doing and living how one chooses as long as you don’t forcibly interfere with anyone else. Thank you S.S. Nazi Fuhrer Obama for agreeing to outlaw online gambling, poker, sports wagering, private small-business casinos, the Pleasure Industries, benign plants and root products like morphine, cocaine, marijuana and opium, homemade alcohol, and cigarettes, with your onerous taxes, regulations and restrictions, all of which millions of responsible citizens use daily without hurting or interfering with anyone, while you simultaneously pass more medical welfare and medical regulations which inject more dangerous pharmaceutical chemical drugs into our schoolchildren (and make medical care more unaffordable for our citizens), all in the name of school classroom Nazi fascist order and submissiveness. Thank you Fuhrer Obama for holding everyone in the whole country responsible for the misdeeds and irresponsibility of a few. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being such an authoritarian Nazi police anus-licker.
Dear God, we are so thankful that Fuhrer Obama’s inauguration will be such a sappy, whiny, pussy-footed wimpish, faggoty-politician melodramatic spectacle. Thank you for all the ass-licking diplomats, arrogance-filled tyrannical human rights-violating foreign statesmen and women, phony traitorous members of the House and Senate and their sadomasochistic staffers, various lazy pencil-pushing bureaucrats and the duplicitous and traitorous members of the Supreme Court, who will watch you shred our Constitution even more into tiny bits of toilet paper even more than they already have, and cheerfully swear you in today as though you’re their knight in shining armor, when instead you’re a slim shady slimy bum of a washed-up con man from the New World Order smelly bankers cabal who stinks of dog shit and Marlboros, who would nevertheless still like to fuck the Supreme Court justices up the ass.
Dear Jesus, thank you for making Hussein Barack Obama so close-minded to economic reality and truth. We all know that only Austrian economics has any rational truth, but thankfully Hussein Obama ignores economic reality and listens to economically illiterate boners like Paul Krugman and just prints more paper money to give out to rich socialist bankers and industrialists who can always rely on Washington insiders to bail them out when they totally blow their wad. Thank you God for Barrack Obama our Fuhrer who refuses to privatize our whole economy and institute free markets, which is actually our only hope for prosperity, peace, happiness and jobs, and instead make us all slaves in his authoritarian, centralized, top-down command economy which makes victims of the poor and middle class and makes us all economic slaves. It would make so much more sense to privatize our roads, bridges and mass transit as is being done to a limited extent in India, for example, but Barrack Hussein Fuhrer Obama would rather we all be economic slaves to him and his rich socialist cronies, so we can be thankful for that.
And we are also so thankful God that Barrack Obama will undoubtedly pass total gun control and gun bans throughout the whole country, so we will be left totally defenseless before the Nazi police departments which terrorize our communities and shoot black “punks” in the back lying face down at close range in subways. God, this is how we have to deal with black trouble makers, and Obama our black Oreo Fuhrer knows how to do it: Always back up the police, always kiss their ass, always lick their anuses, and always find them not guilty or even better innocent when they sodomize innocent civilians with police batons or merely riddle them with bullets. Not to mention when they interfere with peaceful demonstrations, ban freedom of assembly as guaranteed by the Constitution, and harass troublemakers who are merely handing out political leaflets critical of our Nazi government.
Dear God, Fuhrer Barack Obama is such a Constitutional genius that he has figured out that we don’t need to follow the Constitution, that all the hundreds of thousands of laws and regulations that violate the Constitution and our Human Rights and Liberty are totally legitimate because Might Makes Right, and the Constitution is just a symbol and a talking point and sound bite for politicians to use in their speeches and public appearances while they shit all over and jerk off on the Constitution and Bill of Rights in the Oval Office and the Halls of Congress.
Dear Jesus Our Holy Lamb, please protect our Great Hero Barack Obama from any crazy patriotic American who would lob a grenade at his motorcade and kill off a few dozen Secret Service agents and our new President. Please protect Fuhrer Obama from a Valkyrie-inspired cyanide food poisoning by a few patriotic Secret Service agents who dumbly think they should put the interests of the American people before that of rich socialist tycoons and other influential friends of Obama’s elite club. Please protect Obama from contracting any rare forms of anal cancer, irritable bowel syndrome, facial tics, Rotten Eye Syndrome, total impotence and insensitivity, or Withering Limb Syndrome, which people of conscience think he so richly deserves.
Please protect Fuhrer Obama from some brave patriot who might shoot a bazooka at the Fuhrer’s motorcade, or plant a mound of plastic explosives in his luncheon tray, which might blow up and totally obliterate him in the same way that Iraqi, Palestinian and Afghani children are obliterated every hour from Fuhrer Obama’s advanced military weaponry. Please stop any crazy looney Constitution-loving, Liberty-loving American, Human Rights-loving patriot from scraping Fuhrer Obama’s hand with a poisonous ring finger when they shake his hand at public functions. Please stop any nutty freedom-lover from flying a private jet full of explosives into the Oval Office severing all four of our Fuhrer’s limbs plus his head, after which he oozes blood all over George Bush’s carpeting.
Finally, Almighty God, please stop a crazy Liberty-loving freedom fighter from smuggling an Uzi submachine gun into an official function and machine-gunning a one-foot hole through Fuhrer Obama’s stomach, so he bleeds to death quickly and painfully, and then machine-gunning him in the head just to make sure, even though a shout of victory and joy would go up throughout the land from American patriots.
Dear God, Our new Fuhrer Barack Hussein Obama is incomparably corrupt, power-hungry, cynical and greedy; he loves to continue stealing from our citizens and small businesses and making life miserable for the middle and lower classes, and enriching his socialist friends and political cronies; he loves shaping the economy and social policy so only rich socialists have any chances and advantages, and the rest of society has to be subservient slathering slaves. But that’s the prerogative of our Nazi Fuhrer.
Just as with Hitler Bush, and Conniving Con-Man Gigolo Clinton before him, Fuhrer Obama will subdue the land and give all the fruits of our crops to the authoritarian masters. This is how it must be. Because we are at war…not a War of Terror or simply a War on Drugs, but a War of the Masters Versus the Slaves. Our Nazi masters want the current world order to continue, nothing must change. Not the slaughter in Gaza or socialism in Europe or economic exploitation in Asia and Africa nor the Police State in Amerika. We must throw up more smokescreens of compassionate conservatism and progressive leftism to fool the masses into thinking our politicians want to help us, when in fact they always screw us and screwing us is the plan. But maybe that is our lot in life.
Thank God Fuhrer Obama wants to kill and rape more women, children and civilians, overseas and here at home. For that is the only way to ensure that our Nazi empire continues in power and is able to exploit all profits and resources to keep our rich socialist masters comfortable in their limousines and in power.
God, please don’t let some crazy liberty-loving assassin shoot and kill Fuhrer Obama in the head on Inauguration Day, because that might restore a little liberty to our concentration camp of a country.
GOD BLESS OUR S.S. NAZI LEADERS BUSH, OBAMA, CLINTONS, PELOSI, POWELL, RICE, CHENEY, RUMSFELD, SCHUMER, MENENDEZ, REID, DURBIN, FRANK, ‘LIE’BERMAN, BLOOMBERG, LAUTENBERG, KENNEDY, ET AL.
DEAR GOD, BLESS OUR NAZI GOVERNMENT, MAY IT BURN WITH THE ETERNAL FLAME OF GREED, LOVE OF POWER, LOVE OF WAR, LOVE OF COERCION AND CONTROL, AND LOVE OF LIES.
MAY THE NEXT FOUR YEARS OR EVEN BETTER THE NEXT EIGHT YEARS BE EVEN MORE ULTRA VIOLENT , GRUESOME AND BARBARIC THAN THE LAST SIXTEEN, IN THE NAME OF OUR NAZI GOVERNMENT IDEAL.
THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.
Outside the sun is shining and it’s 7(F) degree. Inside I’m less than warm and cozy: according to the “religion” of Global Warming, it’s a “sin” if I crank up my heater. Even so, a site called The Chilling Effect has put together some figures relating to the Obama Inauguration, figures which point out the massive hypocrisy of politicians and celebrities.
According to Chilling Effect, Obama’s “housewarming” will produce a staggering 575 million POUNDS of CO2. How long before an “average” household produces this big of a carbon footprint? An astounding 57,598 years.
So while I’m struggling with my conscience on whether or not to turn up the thermostat–throwing a log on the fire is out the question, too much pollution–celebrities and bigwigs will be flying into D.C. on their private jets, an estimated 25,320,000 POUNDS of CO2. The very same celebrities and bigwigs who preach that unless we cut back on our emissions our planet will die.
Obama's Inauguration Cost Set to Pass $150 Million, Becoming Most Expensive Inauguration Ever
(Follow linked URL for completion of article)
Let's see now, the nation is in the midst of the worst economic times in many, many years - if not decades. The unemployment rolls are growing by the minute. The Federal defecit is growing by the second. The American public is becoming increasingly disgusted as one bunch of fat cat industrialists demands their own bailout. The nation's banks are demanding a second bailout, and the nation's automakers are next in line.
In such a horrific financial and economic environment Obama's kick off party is going to be the most expensive in history. In fact, Obama's big party is going to be almost four times the cost of his predecssor's.
Wasn't Obama on national TV recently telling us all to be frugal and expect hard financial times ahead and that we should all just tighten our belts a bit? Yeah, I thought so.
And now he's turning around and throwing himself a $150,000,000 party.
Yes folks, this is change we can believe in!
Yes we can!
Obama Credited With Saving Plane
Posted by papundits on 01/16/2009
Scooter’s Report - Satire
NEW YORK (SR) - New York politicians are lauding President-elect Barack Obama as a hero Thursday night after he managed to inspire the crew of US Airways Flight 1549 to safely land their plane in the middle of the Hudson River. All 155 passengers and crew have been accounted for, according to the Federal Aviation Administration.
“We have a heroic President-elect who has given hope to an entire nation, including the crew and passengers of that plane. We’ve had a Miracle on 34th Street and now I believe we’ve had a miracle on the Hudson,” Gov. David Paterson said at a joint press conference with Mayor Bloomberg on Thursday evening.
A flight attendant on the flight said the pilot’s last words before bringing the plane in were, “Hey, if an ex-crackhead/socialist/pinhead can get elected President, I can land this plane in the Hudson River.”
President-elect Obama saves US Airways Flight 1549