Thursday, January 1, 2009

Predictions about Obama for 2009

Barack Obama is sworn in as president, then immediately resigns, saying, "Do you know how bad things are? And do you know who everybody's gonna blame when it's not all fixed in a year? Me. Do I look stupid to you?"

Oceans will stop rising under Obama
The Earth has been cooling for a decade. Obama will reap the benefit and change his name to Moses.

The proposed government "solutions" coming out of the new administration to solve our nation's economic predicament are likely to perpetuate and worsen these fiscal problems next year.

The media will continue with its anointing of President Obama until ratings dip. Expect that in the November 2009 sweeps period, at the earliest.

Obama turns out to be a closet conservative.

President Barack Obama's popularity will continue to soar amongst those who are not paying attention. Obama will continue to fund large corrupt financial houses, big greedy banks and ridiculously inefficient automobile corporations so that they may continue to lose more money into 2010.

Soon there will only be the “Haves” and “Have Nots”.Those in government, who are friends and family of those in government, and the corporate executives who grease the politicians’ palms will all be the “Haves”. Those without, are probably soon to wage a huge “Gee-I-had” a job, a family, a home, a country I could be proud of, and a life.

President Obama will break the heart of Net neutrality activists by picking pro-telecom industry people for the FCC. On the other hand, Obama will pick someone great for the position of privacy czar, and then castrate him/her by not giving the position any power.

Barack H. Obama is sworn in as our 44th President of the United States. During his inauguration speech, President Obama returns to the themes of Change and Hope that played prominent roles in his campaign, going as far as combining the terms to form a new word: "Chope".

The Message of Change, which has already given way to Smaller Change in the face of catastrophe, will morph by Inauguration Day into a truly Kennedy-esqe message. “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’s money transfer machine.”

The President will get on the Patch and encourage millions of smokers to do the same. Otherwise, his sculpted physique will encourage millions of supporters to take up smoking and Rahm (now spelled correctly) will have to keep him away from the nuclear button during his nicotine fits.

During Barack Obama’s inaugural address, his soaring oratory causes a woman to faint into the person behind her, leading to the other 4 million people on the Mall going down like dominos.

As for President-elect Obama, unsubstantiated reports indicate that the soon-to-be president has tentatively decided to send the U.S. Marines into Springfield, Illinois, Capital City of the state, for the purpose of forcibly removing Blagojevich from office.

Using military force against an American city is most probably not authorized by the Constitution to the president or any other official.

Nevertheless, with dingbats like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi in charge of Congress, Obama can probably do damn near whatever he wants, when he wants!

In an effort to corner Bin Laden Barack Obama will transfer all troops from Iraq into Afghanistan and then from Afghanistan into Pakistan. When the troops finally get home, it will be revealed that Bin Laden has been living in the basement of a Pizza Parlor in Queens NY recording music for an Indie label. At that point Obama will drop a nuke on the Pizza Parlor and call it a day.

Barack will Embrace the Anti-Crist Label. Look, when the Devil is in the details, it's not a bad thing to be the Anit-Christ.

According to a top secret report by the American Association of Political Satirists (A.A.P.S.): “The writing and acting staffs of ‘S.N.L.’ may have no choice but to seek material in a non-White House environment.”

Fairness Doctrine
returns requiring television and radio stations to provide equal time to all sides of any news or science issue with the exception of climate science.

"Not going out on a limb" predictions:

Israel will continue to dominate US foreign policy. Obama condescends to zionist blackmail.

Obama's surge in Afghanistan is a failure but the media tells us otherwise.

No charges of war crimes filed against Bush administration. Obama looks forward, not backward.

Obama ignores 9/11 truth movement. Looking forward, not backward...again.

Al-Qaeda and Bin Laden will continue to be 'key words' for Obama. "War on Terror" fraud moves on.

Media continues the propaganda. No call from Obama for laws against media lying.

Economy will tank, none of Obama's fixes will work. Rich get richer. The poor get hungrier.

Decentralizing energy sources and production and research for moving away from the monopolies will be non-existent.

Carbon tax scams will be promoted for 'saving the planet.' Al Gore will not be banished to Siberia.

Blacks feel betrayed as Obama's elite agenda is exposed.

Health care reform? FDA and big pharma partnership expands to drug and vaccinate more of the population.

'Sin taxes' increase. alcohol, tobacco etc.

Military budget increases. Service recruitment gains traction with unemployed kids.

Veteran problems skyrocket with no improvement in help for them.

The 'No Child Left Behind' scam continues. Kids get dumber and dumber.

Slowly but surely, efforts to gut the 2nd amendment will be made. Gun and ammo sales rise.

Marijuana will not be decriminalized, the war on drugs will continue and prison populations for non-violent drug 'crime' will increase.

No domestic, environmentally friendly hemp industry for food, fuel and fiber will be established.

More wars and more rumors of wars.

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