Monday, March 31, 2008

MOSSAD Studios seeking an actor to portray Bin Laden
(Sean Connery is my first choice to play the dead OBL. He's a great actor. K)


Mossad Studios, the video arm of MOSSAD--'by deception shalt thou make war'--,is now holding casting calls for an actor to portray one of our best creations, Osama Bin Laden.

The actor must have the ability to seamlessly read script lines, without using his voice, since we at MOSSAD studios will later dub in the sound track.

The physical requirements for the actor are: To be about 55 yo; have the ability to grow a full, shaggy-looking beard and speak Arabic. Height is not that important, since the actor will be filmed sitting at a table next to an AK-47. Note: Beard color is not important, since we at MOSSAD Studios can dye the beard.

Starting salary is 150,000 shekels (NIS) per year, which will be deposited in a Tel Aviv bank that is a front for the MOSSAD. This salary is to be paid upon our receipt of our yearly funding allotment from the US Treasury.

The actor must also be able to scowl and look menacingly, when reading the script, anytime he mouths the words, "Jews", "9/11" and "USA."

Once a contract is offered, it must be signed by the actor. The contract will be in force for one year, or until the U.S. starts bombing Iran or until the untimely death of the actor, which ever comes first.

Acting skills are not as important as the physical ability to look like the Bin Laden portrayed by our numerous media outlets in the USA.

Acting coaches, like Daniel Pipes and Rita Katz, full time employees of MOSSAD, will be on hand to help with the actor's performance.

If you like working in a fast paced field, in an environment that will test your acting skills, then apply today at the nearest Israeli Embassy or contact in person, MOSSAD HQS located in Herzliya, Israel.

  • Greg Bacon's blog



    Fearmongers, Warmongers Gather For Annual Mongering Conference

    March 28, 2008 | Issue 44•13

    WASHINGTON—Approximately 550 mongers in the fields of war, hate, and fear mongered together at the Washington D.C. Marriott last week as part of the 34th annual mongering conference. According an itinerary released by the National Mongering Council, the three-day summit featured monger-building activities from 9 a.m. to noon, optional night-mongering seminars, and three meals a day to promote social mongering. "This is the greatest collection of mongering minds in our generation, making the conference a prime target for any number of horrific biological and terrorist attacks," fearmonger Gerald Sachs mongered. "Of course, with the current political and social climate, the main question is whether next year will be anywhere near as mongerly." None in attendance could confirm whether they would be present at next week's fish- and whoremongering conference in El Paso, TX.

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