Wednesday, January 28, 2009

You are not serious...are you?

Pope and Theatre Industry Target the Jewish People

Oy, these anti-Semitic meshuggenah stage artists are now refusing to work for the BBZ (British Broadcasting Zionists).

I am so happy because this really leaves us with our Mark'le Thomson and his wife to take care of our interests and the organization.

Who needs these actors anyway? They are not the real thing, they just pretend for a living.

The goyim really do not like us anymore, just because we killed a few islamofacists in Goyza.

They are all extremists and zealots. Gevalt, the neo-Nazi Swedes have even canceled a planned Shoah memorial event, as a mark of respect for the slain hamasniks in Goyza!

I do not understand human beings, especially the British. First they give us a Jewish state and they promise it will be only for us, the Chosen people, and nobody else. But then when we listen to our rabbis and smite those who won't get off our land, they all come up against us.

By the way, the pope is not invited for dinner next Sabbat. He really pissed me off with this Nazi bishop.

Who cares about scientific evidence? We know what we feel, and that is what is important to us, the Jewish people.

This Holocaust-denying bishop says the evidence suggests there were no gas chambers. But in our hearts we can feel there were, and we know it, and we can still smell the gas and touch the ashes. Nu shoin, our dreams will always be lit with the soft glow from lampshades made of human skin.

We don't care if The Diary of Anne Frank turned out to have been written with a ball-point pen or even with a laser beam. These are just irrelevant details. We know the truth.

And we are convinced and we are determined, and we will annihilate anyone who suggests otherwise.

United against the pope and the stage

Meshuggenah - crazy, someone who is nuts

President Barack Obama, under pressure to find a location for all of the detainees at Guantamao Bay in order to fast-track its closure, suggested housing the prison’s terrorists at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.

“Gitmo was a place where people were mistreated, tortured, and made to feel inhuman and uncomfortable,” said President Obama, “That makes Neverland a nearly perfect match.”

Neverland’s owner, pop star Michael Jackson, welcomed the idea of keeping detainees at Neverland. The singing sensation has been unable to pay the property’s mortgage and has had difficulty selling it.

“I love all people,” said Jackson, “They can all come play with me at Neverland. We’ll eat popcorn and cotton candy and pet the llamas and ride on the Ferris wheel. We’ll have such a good time and every night will be a pajama party!”

President Obama said that Neverland already has plenty of security in place and prisoners could be moved in as early as next week.

The President did face some objections from Congressman John Murtha, who wants the Gitmo prisoners moved to his district.

“Do you have any idea how much money I, er, I mean, we, that is, the state of Pennsylvania will make with an army of terrorists at its disposal, er, I mean, imprisoned there?” said Murtha, “They don’t need to go to a place as awful as Neverland. Most of them would probably rather be waterboarded, given multiple paper cuts, forced to eat pine cones, and have to listen to Ashford and Simpson repeatedly.”

more - The Endive


Obama Regime: the New Feminists' Paradox

WARSHINGTON, D.C. [ Story : ] From the Obama girl to the Maxim girl, militant feminists can’t mill around the White House without rubbing… um, let’s say “elbows”, at the very least, with hotties who are so enamored with our new Emp-O-rer that they can’t keep their shirts on.

It’s hardly a new presidential problem, but at least Clinton had to lure chubby girls into his lair by going halvsies on a pizza. Obama is such a chick magnet that it’s raining panties on Capitol Hill. And if you think radical feminists like Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer(s, not briefs), and Barney Frank are happy about plodding through piles of petite panties every day, you’re mistaken.

(Of the three, Barney Frank is the only one who owns a thong.)

“A Democratic presidency is just the thing to revitalize the Feminist Movement–” insisted Gloria Steinem, whose statement was cut short when she got hit in the head with an edible bra. She turned, pointing an accusatory finger at the assembled press corp and angrily shouted:


Katie pointed insistently at Chris Matthews who meekly grinned and shrugged.

“We’re Tired of Being Treated Like Objects”, read the protest message tattooed in henna just above the butt crack of one of the pole dancers from the National Organization for Women.

No, I don’t pretend to understand how feminists reconcile the schism between themselves and their fellowette Obama supporters from the soft core and hard core porn industries. Nor, frankly, do I care. I’m just enjoying the floor show.

more - Daily Scoff


Fed To Consumers: Damn, You Look Good!

Washington, D.C.
– “Wow, really, just…wow,” said Federal Reserve Board Chairman Ben Bernanke to American consumers in a Tuesday morning press release. “Have you been working out? Cause it shows.”

Analysts are suggesting that this particular press release was intended to combat the ongoing problem of low consumer confidence. Declining confidence has been indicated as the driving force behind the current economic slump. The Reserve board is hoping reassuring words will provide some solace.

“I just don’t know if I feel comfortable going out and parading my wallet around,” explained Consumer. “I just don’t think anyone is going to take the bait.”

This seems to be the overall sentiment when it comes to spending in these awkward economic times. But the fed has some words that might quell these fears.

“They would be lucky to have you,” read the press release. “I know you’ve had some bad experiences, but those retailers were jerks. They weren’t right for you and didn’t appreciate how wonderful you actually are. Who knows, you might go out there today and find a nice bank that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

A representative of the Federal Reserve board was quick to elaborate on the statement.

“Consumers just keep second guessing themselves,” she said. “We need to encourage confidence any way we can, at every turn. And by the way, nice ass.”

more - Monkey Breath


"Dating a Banker Anonymous"

A support group for women who are dating investment bankers.

Dawn Spinner Davis, 26, a beauty writer, said the downward-trending graphs began to make sense when the man she married on Nov. 1, a 28-year-old private wealth manager, stopped playing golf, once his passion. “One of his best friends told me that my job is now to keep him calm and keep him from dying at the age of 35,” Ms. Davis said. “It’s not what I signed up for.”

[She and other women] shared their sad stories the other night at an informal gathering of Dating a Banker Anonymous, a support group founded in November to help women cope with the inevitable relationship fallout from, say, the collapse of Lehman Brothers or the Dow’s shedding 777 points in a single day, as it did on Sept. 29.

In addition to meeting once or twice weekly for brunch or drinks at a bar or restaurant, the group has a blog, billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” that invites women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”
from - My Open Wallet


Nation Hit Hard By Tons of Unsold Crap

The proliferation of unsold crap, which economists say began as early as November of 2007, continues to affect retailers nationwide as crap that nobody wants piles up on shelves and warehouse floors, untouched by consumers.

Crap, which constitutes 90% of what is sold in the United States, has been steadily introduced to department stores, outlets, and retailers for as long as anyone can remember. While crap is usually snatched up by consumers looking to waste money, consumers have recently started hoarding their wealth, dispensing it only on items they actually need.

The legacy of America crapophilia is the widespread proliferation of crap producing factories in third world countries, where domestic crap such as plastic dragon candlesticks and imitation Mao hats are produced alongside the American, land-fill quality crap that shamefully litters our homes and offices. While the quality of this crap, as compared to American made crap, can vary within a limited range, social and economic expects agree that it is all, unequivocally, crap.

"Everything we know about the economy says that people will buy crap, cheap or expensive, as long as it is advertised well," said Elliot Read, economic analyst. "We're not concerned as to whether or not the consumer can afford this crap, just so long as they buy it."

Crap, which is best disposed of immediately after purchase, is advertised to consumers as producing attraction in members of the opposite sex, improving the quality of life, and at the very least, having actual uses. Nonetheless, market research has found that while advertisements for crap has become increasingly sophisticated and expensive, the crap itself has in no way improved.

"We've been repackaging the same crap for the last 30 years, telling the viewer that it's going to revolutionize their lifestyle every single time," said Ron Popeil, noted television crapmonger. "All of my crap is designed to stop working after a few months, but I guess that's not good enough anymore."

Worse still, the crap epidemic shows no signs of ending. Even as President-elect Obama promises to revitalize the crap-selling economy, many large companies that relied on selling crap have filed for bankruptcy in the last three months alone.

Even the $800 billion government bailout has yet to reduce the amount of unsold crap.

"I've never seen consumers so afraid to spend money on things they'll only use once and never touch again," said Rob Argyle, who has been in the business of selling anything people will buy for sixteen years. "Now I've got hundreds of mechanized egg crackers I can't get rid of no matter how many times I rearrange the display."

"All this crap is making it harder for the consumer to find the few good products I have any confidence in selling," conceded Argyle. "I don't want people to be under the impression that I actually sell this crap; I just want people to spend money on it."

"I guess I could try selling this crap on Ebay by using misleading product descriptions, limited return policy, and overpriced shipping," added Argyle. "Lord knows I would never use any of it."

This Holiday season, billions of dollars worth of crap was sold, but not quite so many billions of dollars as in recent years.

"Even if we stop making crap now, there will still be plenty of it to get rid of before things are looking even remotely reasonable," said Timothy Geithner, Obama's nominee for U.S. Secretary of the Treasury. "People just don't seem interested in ripping themselves off anymore."

By Michael Wakcher


Obama - The First 100 Minutes


Executive Residence evacuated as Obama spliff triggers smoke detectors

Firefighters evacuated part of the White House Executive Residence around midnight last night after 'exotic pungent fumes' triggered smoke alarms in the building's second floor.

The President and Mrs Obama were apparently lying on the vast royal waterbed "totally mashed", puffing away on the weed pipe as a Bob Marley CD belted out Exodus.

After firefighters left President Obama ordered the White House kitchen to send up two quarts of Haagendaz Cherry Garcia ice cream and two dozen Hershey Bars.

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