Friday, September 11, 2009

My thirteen minutes with the President

All of the stir about Charlie Sheen's 'meeting' with the president got me to thinking. Why should the president only meet with celebrities and politicians? The common folks may also have something to say. So I called the White House and gave the operator my thoughts for an audience with Barack. She took my name and number and told me someone would get back with me, if they want to, and after a through background check.

Much to my surprise, a day later I got a call from...Rahm Emanuel.
Rahm - Your idea of the President meeting with someone unknown sounds like an opportunity to counter the idea that Barack is an elitist. The press would love it. I hear that you want to talk about the 'war on terror' and the economy. You can have ten minutes with the pres.

K - But Rahm, I'm a southerner and I speak slower than the Hollywood and Chicago types. I need more time.

Rahm - OK, thirteen minutes, but no 9/11 stuff. Charlie has covered all of the main points. There's nothing more to say about it, all the facts are known and if you mention anything about the dancing Israelis filming the attacks...Michelle will have new compost material for her garden before nightfall.

K - Agreed, I don't dance anyway.

My trip to DC on the Greyhound bus went well. Arriving without cab fare I had to walk to the White House. Entering it was a breeze, I was on the list. After a strip and cavity search by some security types, I was led to the Blue Room, my favorite color.

K - Mr. President, it is my pleasure but times a wasting so I'll get going.

With the economy in shambles and deficits in the trillions, I have a suggestion. Taxpayers pay hundreds of billions of dollars in interest to the Federal Reserve each year. Why can't our government issue its own currency as it did before 1913 and forgo paying a private enterprise that is not federal and has no reserves? Those billions in interest that go to the Fed for printing money from nothing could pay for your health care plan.

BO - This is not 1913. In the twenty first century central banks are necessary to maintain secrecy of the financial dealings in our country, especially Wall Street. You know that nothing can be kept secret when the government is involved.

K - During your campaign you were portrayed as being against the war in Iraq and would set a timetable for removing all troops. Some have been removed but they seem to be just shuffled to Afghanistan and the casualties are increasing. I'll ask you using the great words of Country Joe McDonald "What are we fighting for."

BO - I'll answer that with Joe's own words, "Don't ask me I don't give a damn."

Just joking. But you know the real answers, it's been repeated over and over again and most people get it. It's about al Qaeda, 9/11, bin laden, democracy and those that want to kill us because they hate freedom.

K- But occupying countries, killing untold numbers of civilians, creating refugees and destroying the infrastructure tends to create more enemies. Isn't there a better way?

BO - Tough love is often the way to go when dealing with people who have never tasted America's way of life. Aren't they dead already not knowing the fruits of capitalist empires?

K- Iran is no threat to the United States. Why all the talk of possible war with them if they don't end their nuclear program?

BO - The threat is not to us but to our friend in the middle east who could be wiped off the face of the earth. After the last 'holocaust,' we must do our utmost to prevent another.

K - Speaking of Israel. We give them billions of dollars a year in free money, grants that are never repaid and all of the weapons of mass destruction, err sorry, defensive tools that they say they need. Yet it appears that all of the help pledged to rebuild and even feed Gaza has not come forth.

BO - For 'national security' reasons, I can't answer that one. All I can say is that most Americans love Israel and we must never do anything to offend them.

K - Offend them? Don't you mean that most politicians are afraid to take on the Israel lobby, especially AIPAC, and that bribery, blackmail, intimidation and the threat of assassination are the driving force behind your policies towards Israel? Is not your staff comprised of many dual U.S./Israeli citizens whose loyalty to our country is questionable? And....
At that point the door flew open and Emanuel burst in the room shouting for security.
K - My thirteen minutes aren't over.

Rahm - I warned you.

K - I didn't mention 9/11.

Rahm - But you questioned Israel and that's going too far.
I was physically removed from the White House and the last thing I heard was Rahm saying "destroy the transcript and get the press out of here."

The bus ride back to Tennessee will be a long one. Especially when those big guys who appeared to follow me are sitting here... and they look none too friendly.


  1. Oh my God! It's the biggest news EVER!!! Oh my Gawwwwd!!!

    What? You made it up? It hasn't happened... yet?

    But you made it up... for OUR OWN GOOD!?


  2. Awe, so gald you got your wee visit with all the important Whitehosue buttheads. Speaking of butts, did you swipe me that ashtray while you were there?


  3. Irish, I could only get one ashtray this trip. It was the black one that FDR used while waiting for the confirmation that Pearl Harbor had been attacked. I sold it for beer money. Sorry.

    I tried to grab for you the one Obama uses when he OK's those drone attacks over Afghanistan and Pakistan but it was so used and dirty that I didn't want to touch it.

    Maybe next time...

    And yes willy, I did make it all up for the good of mankind. Thanks for praising my efforts.

  4. Having no teeth, the cavity search should be a breeze.
    I'll bring some B.C. bud for B.O.
    The next couple hours should bring about some real change.
    Heres hoping your next bailout cheques are pre signed, you get to enter the amount..

  5. All well and good...but when are we ever going to find out what happened to thetruthseeker...

    will that ecome a mystery Too?


  6. Pay no attention to that Predator drone circling your neighborhood, it's for 'National Security' reasons and does not have a Hellfire missile onboard with preplanned coordinates.